Parental separation, although always experienced by children as a crisis point in their lives, need not be the source of lasting emotional trauma. Much depends on the parent’s willingness and ability to be sensitive to the impact of their separation on their children and to be prepared to work together in the children’s best interests. After any relationship breakdown, it takes time to build a successful co-parenting relationship that works well for the child. The transition is complex and requires personal commitment alongside professional support.
Parents need to rebuild a ‘good enough’ long-term cooperative parenting relationship for their children, through childhood and beyond. They need to know how their interactions impact children and that a reduction in their conflict can be a protective factor.
The end of a relationship can often be felt as a bereavement for everyone involved. It can take a toll on physical and emotional well-being, leaving people feeling distressed, isolated, and unsure of the future, including children, whatever age.
When a parenting relationship breaks down, there’s a period of adjustment in which each partner has to adapt to practical and emotional changes. Their living arrangements and finances change, and any shared goals and dreams must be re-evaluated. There may even be an identity shift as they adjust to a new life as a single parent.
With children involved, this process can take longer than usual. The partner relationship has ended, but the parenting relationship has to adapt and continue.
There’s no set pattern for dealing with a breakup but many people will go back and forth between dwelling on the past and planning for the future – it’s quite healthy to have a mix of both. One day they might be grieving the loss, and the next they will seem to be getting on with things. In the beginning, these periods of grieving may be more regular and more intense, but they will soften over time, eventually fading until they are not needed.
How parents separate matters
The way parents separate can have a lasting impact on their children’s emotional wellbeing, development, and future relationships. Research shows that children cope better when parents manage conflict constructively, communicate openly, and prioritise their child’s needs.
Understanding the impact on children
- The NSPCC offers guidance on how to support children through separation including tips on maintaining routines and emotional stability
- The Early Intervention Foundation provides evidence-based insights into how parental conflict affects children’s mental and physical health [PDF, 770KB]
- The Royal College of Psychiatrists explains the emotional and behavioural effects of separation and how parents can help
Support services for families
- Family Lives offers advice on co-parenting, child arrangements, and emotional support
- Cafcass provides resources like the Parenting Plan and guidance on listening to children's voices
- Care for the Family offers workshops and DivorceCare support groups
Local help in Cumbria
- The Cumbria DFJ guide includes practical advice, co-parenting apps, and resources
- Cumberland Family Hubs offer conflict resolution support and links to national services
- Cumbria County Council's Divorce and Separation factsheet [PDF, 420KB] helps young people understand and cope with parental separation
Practical tools for parents
- Family Separation Hub provides handouts and communication tools for separated parents
- Resolution UK offers legal and emotional support, including mediation and parenting agreements